Within the South Asian culture, there are many opportunities for a woman to live her independence even after marriage… That all changes when culture marriage is and always will be based on what kind of South Asian woman can do to take care of the most basic needs in life, not by what she can do in the outside world where it is “only” men who are allowed to go and live their lives in freedom. Many things in the S.A culture stop many women to be independent, causing them to rely on one person who she is supposed to receive support from. For many people in the S.A community, the cultural mindset will stop many women to receive their education, working, learning to drive, and also speaking up for herself. Which causes a lot of mental health problems in many young women all because of giving the adults the satisfaction in what they believe in from their time period.
Culture has taken over in many concepts in life which also includes finding a partner or if you are in a relationship, say particularly in a marriage relationship. The pressure of what kind of man or a woman is suitable for your family: are they educated? Are they willing to live alone? Or how are they when it comes to treating extended family members? and the list goes on. Cultural marriage is more of a priority between the two families than the two people who are actually getting or are married…
In the concept of letting culture and the marriage itself mix in one, there are a lot of emotions within the marriage because of the pressure of becoming the “perfect” daughter-in-law and a wife. As a person, she tells herself it is “okay” as long as the husband supports her, gives her equal love, and listens to her… but that is not the case in the list of expectations she held inside… Mixing the mindset of a women’s “freedom” with the only thing she is “allowed” to be or do as a housewife are two different things. First, she becomes a wife, where the only permission she needs to do anything is from her husband, then she becomes a daughter-in-law where she has no obligation to do anything for her in-laws. From a cultural perspective, a wife isn’t titled to her status but instead, she is entitled to be a “perfect” daughter-in-law.
Keeping in mind, no man or woman is perfect. In a marriage, it is the man’s duty to make his wife perfect for himself and it is the woman’s duty to make her husband perfect for herself. Unfortunately, that is not the case for both ways in the S.A community. When an S.A woman is growing up, her whole life she is told to have a specific personality or behavior in a certain way. Being “too” outgoing means she’s not capable of taking care of the house, she runs her mouth “too” much means she’s being “too smart”, or if she is into fashion, then she is definitely “too” modern. All these things mattered by people that an S.A woman doesn’t even know just to be approved for their son who may or may not have many flaws of his own.
There was an era in the S.A community where a woman had no rights at all which means there was no way she was allowed to speak up for her rights such as if one was in an abusive relationship, she would have no choice but to stay because she had kids. She was expected to stay quiet through the abuse and let her husband do whatever he wants to do kind of thing. During this time, divorce was a huge taboo as well. If a woman was a divorcee with a kid, there was no second chance of getting married again and expecting another man taking care of another man’s child or children. Back then, a divorcee was as if she was used or just a woman who needs a home with her children or else she is a burden on her parents… Now times have changed, rights are being spoken more than just asking about being respected. No woman will keep her mouth quiet or let some stranger and their family keep them quiet just because they also need respect but when the saying “she is a daughter and she is a sister” is all ignored until she fights for her rights and proves everyone that she is not some low life.
In the south Asian community, the olden days vs the modern day have changed the times because of the trauma our grandmothers and mothers have held, but now this generation isn’t going to repeat history instead they will continue to fight for what our women deserve for the better, that means if we have to raise the divorce rates in the community.
Brown Ink Stories 